Things started out pretty well. We got loose on Toronto’s ace in the second inning, and Jack Hannahan hit an opening day homer, giving him 3 in 3 opening days.

Masterson went crazy. 8 innings, 10 K’s, and 2 hits (one was a homer, but a solo shot)

Chris Perez came on to close, and (metaphorically) dropped trou, and squeezed out a Cleveland Steamer on the diamond.

Into extra innings we went.

We had some hope; With bases loaded, and ASDRUBAL at the plate, Toronto pulled the left fielder, and put Omar in as a double shortstop (or something).

So, with one out, ASDRUBAL swung at the first pitch, because, in defiance of 100+ years of baseball history, he thought it might be something other than a low pitch trying to induce a double play.

So that happened. And then in the 16th, the pitching broke down. (No judgement there, that’s a long-ass game.)

In typical Cleveland fashion, we had to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. If we have to lose, I’d much prefer we just get rolled, so I can forego any hope, instead of sitting on the edge of my seat for 5 hours, and then taking the proverbial dump.

Saw some good things, saw some bad things. This should be an interesting season.

Hannahan’s gonna turn some heads this year. You can make book on that, sweetheart.

Roll Tribe.

I’ve been trying to write-up the Opening Day game, but it’s currently in the 16th and not over. Stay tuned.

Welcome to a new segment, where we’ll examine a player who is new on the Indians this year, whether it be a call-up, or a cagey vet.

Today we have Derek Lowe. Boom.

The Cliff’s Notes version of his career is – a journeyman pitcher. Bounced around from starter to closer to middle relief. Rarely is he terrible, occasionally he’s pretty awesome, and he has a no-hitter to his credit.

So there’s that. Also, he’s 38.

But, he’s definitely not without upside. The first being that Atlanta is paying 10 million of his 15 mil. contract this season. So, if nothing else, it’s a relatively small gamble in the Grand Scheme of Major League Baseball.

The most obvious concern is, of course, does he have any gas left in the tank?

Only time will tell that, but even if he falls flat on the field, I think the intangibles he can (will?) bring to clubhouse could be worth double what he makes.

This will be his 16th season, and he’s never once been on the disabled list (One of only two active players to play more than 12 seasons without doing so), so he obviously knows how to take care of himself, which is something the Indians have struggled with.

Veteran leadership is never a bad thing. After a bit of a slump in ’08, the Dodgers acquired Greg Maddux, who became Lowe’s bestie, after which, he righted the ship. I’m hoping he can have a similar effect here – not just with mechanics, but physical fitness as well.

Failing any meaningful contributions on the field or the clubhouse, he’s been given permission by the MLB to take Adderall (a normally banned substance), so we can always hop him up on goofballs and send him out to the hill. Historically, that works pretty well.

So yeah, he may not have the splash and panache of some other free agent moves, but I think his pros far outweigh the cons, and we didn’t have to spent 9 figures to get him. A patchwork player to be sure, but I wish the guy the best, and I’m optimistic to see what he can bring.

I’ve spoken with quite a few people in the last week are that just sick to death of all the draft talk and re-hash that has been going on, and frankly, I can’t disagree with them.

It’s bound to happen – with the 24 hour news cycle, in a period where not much is happening, the only choice is to recap, and recap the recaps, and speculate wildly. Some of these guys, I think, are just saying the most ludicrous thing they can think of, just to get someone to pay attention.

Mo Claiborne got a 4 on his Wonderlic. I really want to comment on that.

But I’m going to play the better part of valor here. No more draft talk unless something truly substantial happens.

I’ve been analyzing the Tribe, with Opening Day right around the corner, so you can look forward to some thoughts on that in the coming days.

I also feel like I should change the logo, given that Hillis is no longer with us. Opinions on that, and any lingering draft talk you wanna get off your chest in the comments, please.

Stay Tuned.

Nike unveiled the new uniforms today. In the Browns case, nothing has changed. How is this news? Got me.

I like the gloves though:

Cleveland athletes. Twitter. Need I say more? Oh wait, I do. A Lebron blast to close it, and win the hearts of CLE. Greg Little knows what time it is. All those dropped balls are forgiven, forgotten. Maybe he can give the handbook to Mike Holmgren?

Tonight, through sheer happenstance, I ran into Andrew Jupina. He runs a Cleveland sports internet radio station.

Immediately, I was jealous that he found a way to parlay his passion for sports into a career. But after that, I had a long talk with him about the Cavs, Indians, and Browns, as well as the state of local sports radio.

Dude is one of the most well-spoken and well-informed people i’ve ever met. I haven’t even heard his station yet, and I have no problem declaring him better than at least half of television and terrestrial radio.

More to come. I offered him free banner ads on this site, but for now, check him out at CSF Radio – The Underground Voice of Cleveland Sports

Slow news day, you guys. Go go gadget filler!

It’s no secret, I love the local sports station, 92.3 The Fan.

It replaced the only radio station in Cleveland that was playing indie rock, so it’s a bit of a double-edged sword, but i’m pleased as punch to have some sports on the FM dial.

A few years ago, Lebron James, back when he was still in our good graces, showed up at an Indians game wearing a New York Yankees ballcap.

On Jim Rome’s nationally syndicated sports talk show, a caller, “Carl in Rosemead” called up and likened it to “showing up at a party with a boner in sweatpants“. Accurate, yes, but his efforts earned him a manual buzzer (Rome’s show, The Jungle, is famous for interrupting/mocking bad or offensive phone calls)

I immediately fell in love with the phrase. Much like Mike Polk Jr’s video from which I stole the title of this site, I felt it was perfect to sum up Cleveland sports.

So, last week, when 92.3′s The Bull and the Fox show was discussing drafting Trent Richardson, I called in, to drop the knowledge that I posted about running backs and draft picks.

I ended the call with “drafting Trent Richardson would be like showing up to a party with a boner in sweatpants”. Everyone had a laugh, and we, collectively, went about our day.

Last night, i called into Ken Carman’s radio show, and dropped the same bit, only to find that he dumped it, and did not make it to air.

So, it would seem, Adam and Dustin are the cool uncles, and Ken is the no-nonsense parent.

(Just kidding, Kenny. Your show is great)

stream 92.3 The Fan on radio.com

Editor’s Note: The author may or may not have received the manual buzzer once or twice in his lifetime.

Cleveland comedian Mike Polk Jr., the man who created the video from which I shamelessly stole the title of this site, is at it again, once again summing things up in the most accurate way possible.

I didn’t expect the Phil Taylor post to blow up like it did. I honestly never even considered the other side of the coin, so I was really surprised to find people in the comments spittin’ venom.

I started to feel a little guilty. For the most part, Mr. Taylor keeps his head down, and just goes to work. I put him on blast, and left the gate open for the haters.

Then, I was sitting at McNamara’s in Cleveland, waiting to see who would play my Alma Mater in the Final Four, and I happened across another of Phil’s tweets, with his girlfriend…

I’m pretty sure Phil’s doing OK.